Still waiting, but excited!

May 26, 2009

Well, we celebrated our 12th Wedding Anniversary Sunday. It was a solemn one knowing we were preparing for our new son, but not quite sure exactly when he will "officially" be ours. It looks like we'll be traveling during the school year in the Fall, most likely. That means pulling our son from school to travel, but we won't let him miss the opportunity to travel with us to bring his brother home.

We have been tossing a few names around and really like Noah for his American name. It's not set in stone, but at this point we like it the best. He does look like a Noah and we like the Biblical meaning as well; rest, comfort. I personally like this becasue he will bring to rest our hearts which long for a second child, a brother for our son.

I think through this entire process we have found that the majority of people don't understand what it's like to go through something like this. We, unlike many people adopting, have experienced having a biological child. I think it gives us a better understanding of what others go through knowing you can't have a child on your own. In our situation, we were planning on having another biological child. Actually in May 2005 we were planning on trying for a second child. Evidently God had other plans for us. I honestly don't think I would have ever thought about adoption if God hadn't brought my cancer diagnosis in April 2005; one month before we had planned on adding to our family.

I don't regret the cancer and I don't regret going through the chemotherapy, monthly lab work and bi-monthly Cat Scans over the next 3 1/2 years. What I do constantly think about is that my wife can't have a child because of my diagnosis. She knows she can't get pregnant becasue of me. Don't get me wrong, she would never mention it or even blame anyone. That's not her way. I always wonder when I see her around our family and friends who are able to have children at will if she's thinking about it. I also know how tactless some people can be talking to her and mentioning every few minutes about their pregnancy. She would never say anything to them. She's a much better person than most people, including myself. Even while we were waiting to hear if we were accepted as his parents, my prayers were for God's will to be done by bringing this child to us. Hers were more specific. As I was trying to be selfish, wanting this child to be ours, she prayed that if this child wasn't meant to be ours, that God would provide a loving home for him regardless of who it was with. She has been selfless since the day I met her and would sacrifice herself without a second thought to save soemone she loves. That is the kind of woman God provided for me. That is the woman I married. That is the woman I love.

I pray daily for God to give her peace as only He can. I pray that God will bring our son home soon.

Enough for now.

Tom